HELPLESS

“Waiting is Painful. Forgetting is Painful. But not knowing which to do is worst kind of Suffering” – Paulo Coelho

How helpless have you ever felt? It wasn’t when I failed to pass a paper for three consecutive times, or when I worked on a project which was getting complicated every single day. I wasn’t helpless when I had no money in my pocket or when I had to spend a day without food. The quote above describes my helplessness at the moment.

A man can live on hope. WAITING for someone means hoping that the person will be with you in the future. It’s beautiful to imagine. One needs a strong will, trust, and endurance to keep such a hope. It is not necessary that you will get what you want at the time you want it. But desire to have it impels one to try harder till he gets it. Waiting in love is painful especially when your love is away and with someone else. Love is so powerful that one tends to forget himself and live for his love. What makes this easy is the fact that your love is away from you because of certain bounding, compulsion, or helplessness and not because she doesn’t love you. All you know is you are waiting for someone who loves you equally as you do.

What if your love is living happily with someone who loves her more than you do? You feel happy for her and try to FORGET her. Well that’s not easy. You are happy but at the same time you are hurt. It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In the time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

But when someone blows hot and cold in love, life becomes COMPLICATED. What if your love is not sure about her feelings for you? I never doubt my own feelings. I know what I feel for someone. At times I may doubt someone’s feelings for me, but I never doubt my feelings for someone. Falling in Love is supposed to be a happy experience and not a confusing one. I don’t give false hopes and I don’t live on false hopes. “I would come to you one day. If you are available I would be happy and if not I won’t mind because when I love it alone suffice me.” Whoa! She’s in love with me and I should wait for her. But a moment later I get to hear, “I feel strongly for you, but it is not love because love is pure madness. I haven’t yet achieved that madness.” Well this raises a hope that Johnny you’ve to try harder to make her fall. This would raise a hope and make it difficult for you to forget her. Again a moment later I hear something totally different, “I can never get committed. I am not sure if I would feel the same after few years as I feel it now. I want to see how I feel for you after four years.” Fuck! I sit down in disappointment with my hands on my head. So it’s a relationship which has everything but COMMITMENT. At times I hear this one: “We are not into any relationship.” So there is no relationship and no commitment.

I am helpless. When I am away, I restore myself. I would find a way out of it.

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