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A letter to a friend

Hi,

In this technology driven world we have completely missed out the beauty of writing letters to our closed ones. As soon as we turn ON the Mobile Internet Switch, we expect a beep showing message from our loved ones. Who doesn’t like surprises? I personally find it hard to explain about someone by writing on a touch display. Hence, this letter, a little surprise. I have always admired women like you in my life.

Why and how you became the lead character in my story? There is something inside you that has always intrigued me. It was because of the strong, elegant, distinct, positive vibe that you carry around yourself. You know what you want, and that is the first thing that attracts me towards you. You don’t blindly accept the role you were conditioned by others to fill. Being raised in a conservative family you know your limits and restrictions. You abide to your duties towards your parents but at the same time you go out discovering yourself; most of the people won’t do under restrictions.

I never knew how strong you are until you spoke of stressing the importance of taking responsibility for your own financial future instead of leaving it in the hands of spouse. It shows that you are responsible for creating your life. You never uttered a word which shows your dependence on someone else.

Me: What do you think about Marilyn Monroe or Monica Bellucci?

She: (laughs) (leans back on the chair, with her one leg pressing against the other) Marilyn was a strong woman and at the same time she never got her love. She was depressed and used to drink. I would never drink in my life, because my dad drinks a lot and my mother doesn’t like it. I don’t know much about Monica Bellucci. I haven’t seen any of her movies.

We haven’t spent much time together, I guess few hours. In this period I have just listened to what you were saying. I observed you, your body language. You are confident in your own skin. You know you are pretty. I would better describe it in your words.

Me: What is your fashion statement, reveal skin or being conservative yet pretty?

She: I like being comfortable in what I wear. I may reveal skin, only when I am assured that if 10 eyes are looking at me, my man can give them the single eye which would turn them down. 

That brought a real man out of me. Trust me. You are very aware of your sexuality. Different women have widely varying opinions on what kind of sexual expression they personally prefer, ranging from waiting until marriage to having guilt-free one-night stands. But you gave a simple yet inspiring answer, “What else do you need to know if you are able to satisfy your man?” That projects confidence. You know what role sex will play in your life.

You have the courage to express yourself authentically. I have seen most of the relationships where women expect men to understand them and unknowingly get depressed by the very fact that their partners aren’t good mind readers. You ask for what you want; you don’t expect others to be mind-readers. You teach others how you want to be treated — not by dropping hints but by telling them directly. You know that you deserve to be heard.

Me: How would you represent yourself at workplace?

She: At workplace I would compete to earn a position for myself. If someone doesn’t like my work I would like to know why he/she doesn’t like it. It’s not people pleasing, it’s self improvement. 

You always try to explore your creative side. You put your ideas into physical form. You are highly intuitive. Hence, you are better at making men chase you. I would like you to know that being alpha woman is a good thing, but do remember that this alpha thing unnecessarily complicates relationships. You need a man who is equally strong and who knows how to handle you with your own brain.

Keep learning and growing. In the long run, your wisdom will become one of your greatest assets, both as a way to meet your own needs and to help others. Your brain and beauty will make you reach great heights.

Kabir

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Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

While going through my compendium of words, I found a word: Metanoia – the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. One of the great Indian minds has said: Change is the only constant thing. What is it that you’ve tried to change in your life?change wordle

Recently one of my friends called me up and said that he is trying to make a change in his life. Forgiveness is what he is experimenting. Well, forgiving someone is really hard. In that endeavour he is incrementally adopting the change. He cannot adopt the change in a cold turkey style and go on saying ‘hi’ to people he hasn’t yet forgiven. First he has to forget everything that had happened in the past. He has to ensure that nothing will touch a wrong string and make it difficult for him to approach again. Next, a ‘hi’ does 75 per cent work. Once you forgive you shed the entire ‘unnecessary’ load you are carrying along with you. Whatever happens next is genuine, whole-hearted and true.

After every fall I have changed myself. The change has made me move ahead with dignity. If it was my mistake I kept it close to my heart, reminded myself of it every day, let it grow inside me and finally change myself so that I do something good that’s far more better than the mistake. In my teenage, a naughty comment on a girl’s boobs held me guilty in front of my parents, classmates, and friends. I was asked to catch my ears and say sorry to every girl in my class except a female friend who supported me. Every girl except one in the class believed that I am a pervert. What it taught me was something I adore even today. It changed me. I don’t care about what people think of me. Those who find me good live with me and those who find me bad try not to see my face. 😉 Life’s simple.

To make no mistakes is not in the power of man; but from their errors and mistakes the wise and good learn wisdom for the future –Plutarch

Every mistake has taught me something. Every hard time has given me the ability to make right decision. I don’t carry my mistakes. I carry the lessons I learned from them. At present I am facing a biggest change in my life. It’s about my own perception about me. How do I see myself? How do I live with myself? Do I make myself happy? What is it that I reflect? I am on a journey to re-invent myself. It’s incremental and continuous.

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WRITING ROOM

WRITING ROOM

(MY PERFECT SPACE FOR READING AND WRITING)

Have you ever imagined a room at your place where you can read and write? I have imagined it. I wish to build a room which is calm, tranquil, energetic and organised.

The room is rectangular in shape with alpine white colour on three of its walls. The floor is made of wood whose colour and texture complements the colour of room. It is a dark wood colour. I am sitting on a swivel chair which has two separate cushions to rest your head and lower back at a time. The base of the chair is slightly inclined. The chair has a foot-ring like a draughtsman chair where I can keep my legs and then lean and rest my back. I don’t like to get up when I write. But when I write I always find something or the other missing. The chair needs wheels to drag me to the point I want. One of the walls on my left has regular brick arrangement texture. The wall has an array of four paintings arranged in a square format. Two of the paintings have a mystery in it. Other two have a hidden message in it. Near my left leg there is a table made of glass. While sitting on the chair I am facing a transparent glass wall. Through the glass wall I see a garden with bluegrass lawn and Chamomile plants. There is a pond which has water filled for birds and my dog. The walls of the garden are made of stones with texture like the one in Maratha forts. If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need. In the morning sunlight enters through the window and lightens up the room. At night the white fluorescent lamps light up the room and I see quiet, dark night outside the window. A good lighting is one of the key features of a good library.

Behind me there is a shelf where I keep my books. The shelf is made up of wood which is lavish walnut in colour. Some of the books are arranged horizontally and some vertically. Horizontal ones are thick and vertical ones are long and thin. On my right I have barometer floor reading lamp which I adjust according to my needs. It has a white light and not the traditional yellow because I find yellow one strong and exhaustive. There is a door to my right which leads to backyard. A small window to my right brings some fresh air into the room.

The top corners of the room have speakers for playing soothing music while I read. Yeah! I have the habit to listen music while reading. The room has no clock. I don’t want to limit my presence in this paradise.

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HELPLESS

“Waiting is Painful. Forgetting is Painful. But not knowing which to do is worst kind of Suffering” – Paulo Coelho

How helpless have you ever felt? It wasn’t when I failed to pass a paper for three consecutive times, or when I worked on a project which was getting complicated every single day. I wasn’t helpless when I had no money in my pocket or when I had to spend a day without food. The quote above describes my helplessness at the moment.

A man can live on hope. WAITING for someone means hoping that the person will be with you in the future. It’s beautiful to imagine. One needs a strong will, trust, and endurance to keep such a hope. It is not necessary that you will get what you want at the time you want it. But desire to have it impels one to try harder till he gets it. Waiting in love is painful especially when your love is away and with someone else. Love is so powerful that one tends to forget himself and live for his love. What makes this easy is the fact that your love is away from you because of certain bounding, compulsion, or helplessness and not because she doesn’t love you. All you know is you are waiting for someone who loves you equally as you do.

What if your love is living happily with someone who loves her more than you do? You feel happy for her and try to FORGET her. Well that’s not easy. You are happy but at the same time you are hurt. It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In the time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

But when someone blows hot and cold in love, life becomes COMPLICATED. What if your love is not sure about her feelings for you? I never doubt my own feelings. I know what I feel for someone. At times I may doubt someone’s feelings for me, but I never doubt my feelings for someone. Falling in Love is supposed to be a happy experience and not a confusing one. I don’t give false hopes and I don’t live on false hopes. “I would come to you one day. If you are available I would be happy and if not I won’t mind because when I love it alone suffice me.” Whoa! She’s in love with me and I should wait for her. But a moment later I get to hear, “I feel strongly for you, but it is not love because love is pure madness. I haven’t yet achieved that madness.” Well this raises a hope that Johnny you’ve to try harder to make her fall. This would raise a hope and make it difficult for you to forget her. Again a moment later I hear something totally different, “I can never get committed. I am not sure if I would feel the same after few years as I feel it now. I want to see how I feel for you after four years.” Fuck! I sit down in disappointment with my hands on my head. So it’s a relationship which has everything but COMMITMENT. At times I hear this one: “We are not into any relationship.” So there is no relationship and no commitment.

I am helpless. When I am away, I restore myself. I would find a way out of it.

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RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES

“WHY DOES A MAN STOP BEING ROMANTIC?”

Romance always attracts me towards it. So does this headline. My friend is having a confidence that men tend to change few years down the relationship. Well she says this from her past relationships. I have read somewhere that a woman tends to recall her man’s behaviour with her. It tells her how much he loves her! That’s true my friends.

Somewhere on the web I read a quote about Gentleman: A real man never stops trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her. The keyword here is “try”. Men love to chase. The longer a woman takes to fall, the harder a man tries to get her. The article in newspaper quoted a wrong word “hunt”. We don’t “hunt” women we “get” women. What happens after we get a woman? We start expecting. What do we expect? This is not a simple one to answer.

Men love to flirt at all point of time. But after getting into a relationship most men think that flirting is harmful for their relationship. Flirting may make them disloyal towards their partner. They stop flirting with other women and expect their woman to do the same. I have heard many guys saying: “From the time I am being into a relationship with you I have kept a distance from my female friends.” Was that necessary? At no point it shows your loyalty for your partner. Moreover, you don’t flirt with all your female friends at all point of time. They are just friends. What if your partner flirts with you like she did during courtship? Men love when their partner gets naughty, flirty and tease.

Women feel cheated when they see their partner’s changing behaviour. They think that only they put efforts to keep the relationship. Well that’s true. Women tend to put efforts in a relationship. Love is selfless. If at a point of time you think that your partner does not love you the way you do then talk to him. Never let go the communication between you and your partner. He loves you and he will comfort you. He will bring the spark and light up the dimness in the relationship. When we get our girl we take it for granted that she would step beside us at every point of time no matter what happens. Then we step towards achieving something else in our lives. A man is very proud of his achievements. I don’t call a woman an achievement. She’s the love of his life. All the achievements are useless if a man loses his love. Even modern women have goals. A real man would know the importance of her goals in her life. We should encourage each other to achieve more and more in life.

If romance comes naturally to you then you won’t stop being romantic either during courtship or during relationship. At the end of the day there’s nothing beautiful than a company of your loved one. The hug, the kiss, the smiles, the tears all matter a lot to each other. Understanding each other well and clearing the doubts with proper communication is always effective. Most important is to understand the fact that even if you are in a relationship you do have your own life. It applies equally to men and women. Getting into a relationship doesn’t mean you break your relationship with friends; it doesn’t mean you stop living your professional life that you had before the relationship; it doesn’t mean that you don’t owe some time for yourself. It depends on both the partners how they keep their relationship charming, beautiful and romantic.

A man should understand that his woman needs to feel special all the time. Love is about giving. Give her all you can give. Surprise her every day. Flatter her, pamper her, and lift her off the toes. All you know is you love her and she loves you too.

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32 Flavours

When I was born my grandma brought a golden spoon and a bottle of honey. Honey was the first thing I have tasted on this planet. In Ayurveda, honey plays a role of blood purifier. Isn’t it an interesting fact about your life – the first thing you have tasted? I hope many of the Indians would have honey as their answer. It’s a ritual at the birth. As I grew older I tasted different food items. What I know is everything has a unique taste. It’s similar to unique people around me, isn’t it?

What am I, Vanilla, Chocolate or something else entirely? Everything in this world is connected. I wonder why the term Isolation derived. For example, to describe vanilla I would say a spice that has awhat-makes-your-company-unique2 sweet, perfumed aroma with a woody or smoky flavour. I can’t describe vanilla without relating it to woody or smoky flavour. Similarly we describe Men and Women by relating them to other humans, ideas, animals, professions, and sometimes things. This is why we have “dusty eyes”, “smoking hot” lips, “bubble” butt and “washboard” abs. My good deed makes me a hero and bad deed a villain. What makes me unique?

Some people love vanilla, some love chocolate, and there are others who love garlic and onion too. I am what I am. Sometimes I add up to someone’s taste and sometimes I am avoided even by name. I am nobody, but I am someone. What if a recipe says that by adding me to a dish will make the dish unpalatable? Does this mean I am useless? No! Societal norms are like recipe, they are written just to make a good society like a recipe makes a delicious dish. Am I antisocial? No, I am anti-idiot. To avoid the so called norms one finds Isolation and hence came the term Isolation. I am not isolated. I live in this society. I am a part of it. I reflect what I am. I do what I want to do. I don’t get lost in the societal norms. I do no harm, and take no shit! I am a being. I reach everything that is new and let it discover a part of myself. My breaths are my own; no one else does that for me. If I am able to breathe for myself why can’t I derive myself?

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Counter Number 5

It was a long journey to New Delhi. After spending 18 hours in a sleeper class of Indian Railways I reached New Delhi. I rushed to cloak room on platform no 1. I opened up my bag and took out the pullover, black with large multi-colour checks, green, gray and white. It’s cold in Delhi. I am wearing a black polo T-shirt on a light gray trouser. I put on my shades, black wayfarer.

Counter No. 5, the counter to book waiting room on the station. I walk towards the counter. On my right side I see a long queue of people standing to get current reservation in a train. On my left there are Railway Police and CISF personnel. I see people sitting on the floor; some sleeping with their luggage as a cushion. I reach counter no. 5. I see a man sitting on the counter. He is bald, wearing a specs and has a soft voice. “I want to book a dormitory on this station”, I said. “Come after 8 PM”, he said. “Can’t I get it now?” I asked. “Reservations for waiting room and dormitory start at 8 AM for day and 8 PM for night” he said. I took out my phone and saw, fuck! It was 13:00 hours. I reach the counter in the evening. Its 19:30 hours and the counter have at least 10 people in a queue for waiting room. Now the queue counts eleven. A person standing behind me asks: “What all we need to book a room?” “I don’t know” I said. The person in front of me replied: “भाई पैन कार्ड कि ज़ेरॉक्स ले आना! (Bring a photocopy of Pan Card)” I rushed to get a photocopy of my Pan Card. Crossing the road, I entered Paharganj and found a “Xerox centre”. I rushed to counter no. 5 only to find that I am not allowed to stand at my place in the queue. Damn it! I don’t have a return ticket. I am happy to know that a room would be allotted on the arrival ticket.

Room no 212, first floor, 24 hours, 4/December/2013 8 PM to 5/December/2013 8 PM.

Next day I reach the same counter. Today someone else is sitting at the counter. He is young, may be Punjabi, he has good face muscles, and toned body. Today’s procedure for booking the room is somewhat different from yesterdays. The new guy is busy filling passengers details on a computer application for reservation of waiting rooms. Internet database maintains the real time status of waiting rooms at any station. He is encountering the same problem at every step and restarting everything again and again. It took nothing for me to conclude that he sucks with computers. He has no knowledge of what he is using. Who employed him? He opens his drawer, takes out a receipt book, writes my name and PNR number and allots me the same room for another 24 hours. Room no 212.

Two days have passed and I am much more experienced with bookings sessions. The counter is in the hand of a middle aged man. He wears specs and looks over his specs while he talks. He’s too vain. He directly asks me for a return ticket. I don’t have a return ticket. I am on an unplanned tour. I have no idea of when to return. “Go to the ticket collector at platform no. 1 and ask him for a ticket. Please, don’t tell him that I have sent you” he said. I was surprised. Now a ticket collector would sell me the ticket he has collected from other passenger. I had no option but to avail the suggestion. I went to the ticket collector. I asked him for a favour. He being experienced thrashed me away. I was annoyed. But still I played out my diplomatic side. All he wanted was to see how much my pocket can give him. I didn’t give him a penny. Now I am at ticket counter. There are eleven counters. Of them, I see a single counter which is vacant. I rushed to counter. It is written: Ladies Only. I join the queue of men. Stereotypes do exist. For an hour or so, no single lady visits the counter. But the person at the counter doesn’t allow any of the men to book a ticket at his counter. Fuck you all, it’s reserved for ladies only. I just laugh out loud. Never to lose my modesty I stop laughing. You visit any counter and there is much of fight for two things: time and loose change. Both are valuable when you are at a railway station. I get a ticket from New Delhi to Nagpur, dated December 9, 2013. I rush to counter no. 5. This man is amazing. He says, “Rooms cannot be allotted to passengers without confirm reservation on a return date.” I wanted to punch his face hard and thrash him off the counter. People who are standing behind me start yelling for their turn. I step aside. An old man who has deboarded at Hazrat Nizamuddin station came to book room at New Delhi station. The train which brought him to Delhi terminates at H. Nizamuddin. The man at counter says his ticket won’t be accepted since its destination is not New Delhi. Fuck, Nizamuddin station is a part of Delhi itself. Moreover, what can the old man do if his train terminates at H. Nizamuddin? In these past few days I have made a friend, rather I would call him a queue friend, because we meet daily at the same queue for waiting room. Three of us, I, old man, and my friend, we rush to Station Manager and complain about happenings at counter no. 5. Station Manager makes a call to counter no. 5 allowing us to have a room at New Delhi. I enter room no 212.

I am too drunk today. I reach counter no. 5. Wow! The ticket collector from platform no. 1 is at the counter today. I know he is corrupt. I boldly ask him for an extension of 24 hours for room no. 212. He gives it in no time. Today I had to pay Rs. 25 extra for the extension. Gosh! I am too drunk to think about anything now. I wait for my queue friend to get an extension. Meanwhile, a person comes to counter and asks: “साहब भागलपुर जाना है”. The person at counter replies: “It’s not enquiry counter.” “But there’s written: May I help you!” the passenger said. Ticket collector said: “Read what’s written below it. For waiting room, wheel chair, battery-operated vehicle only” he added “May I help you doesn’t mean you would come and ask for suggesting a bride.” None of us broke into laughter of course there was no humour in it. I somehow reached room no. 212.

On last day at New Delhi station I enjoyed the company of my queue friend. We discussed the happenings at New Delhi station. Elections results were out and people were hoping for Aam Aadmi Party to win. Here I was experiencing a part of corruption. Waiting room status is not updated and it creates a chaos when two people get the same room. Ticket collector at platform resells the tickets to other people. Broker charge you extra to get reservation in a train. Ticket vendor sits idle if no lady visits the counter reserved for ladies. He won’t allow men to book tickets. Finally I said bye to counter no. 5 and room no 212 and New Delhi. I loved the time and experience. I wasn’t going empty handed that day…