0

What India, What America?

Me: Hi
She: Hi 

Me: I need your help

men_vs_women
She: (with her arms folded around her chest) How can I help you?
Me: I need a quick female opinion on…….

Conversation kicks off but her body language contradicts with her words. She seems to be open with her answers but her body is closed. Why? Possible reasons could be that she is unaware of my intentions or probably she sees me as a threat. Did I do anything? Was my body language projecting my need for mating? Do I always look desperate for sex? Was I really desperate? Did I think of sex before approaching her? There are many questions that can arise out of the situation.

India is witnessing a change in male-female relationships. Women today are competing with men and are having a greater exposure than they had in the past few decades. On the other hand, men aren’t familiar with the situation where women can lead men. We all will remain slaves of our mating instincts no matter how much we progress. This is the root cause of all the problems that are encountered in the contemporary Indian society. Men see women as potential mates and women tend to protect themselves from mating. Apart from mating, men-women in the modern world share lots of other relationships. First we need to understand the fact that mating is basic to humans all over the world. A man will always see at butt when a woman leaves the door. There’s nothing wrong. But the way such things are perceived in today’s society has some issues.

She: (with her hands in front of her body, palms up and shoulders shrugged) This is not the place where you can talk with men. Big cities or metro cities are places where people won’t mind if a girl and boy talks. Also, people are quite open minded.
Me: What do you mean by open minded?
She: You know, just because I am nice to him, he shouldn’t think that I like him. Just because we are talking doesn’t mean I want him to fuck me.
Me: Why don’t you find me narrow minded? You didn’t give a thought before using the word ‘fuck’ in front of me.
She: (laughs) Everyone is not like you.
Me: I know

What I want to say is, a girl and a boy can have conversation at any place and at any time. It’s all in your mind that a particular place is good and a particular place is bad. To change the society we need to change individual thinking. If women aren’t open to men, if they perceive men as nothing but addicts of their carnal desires they would do nothing except creating barriers between their freedom and themselves. Freedom is a state of mind. Men on the other hand, need to understand that being casanova isn’t the only way to define your masculinity. Don’t approach women with the pure intention of getting laid. Believe me a woman can make a lot of difference in your life besides tits and ass.

She: Someone sent me a friend request on Facebook.
Me: What did you do?
She: Nothing, he’s a jerk
Me: How did you know?
She: We don’t have any mutual friend, I don’t know him personally.
Me: Yes you are right, you don’t know him personally. What if he had approached you in real life say, at a coffee shop?
She: Why me?
Me: Because you’re pretty, charming and interesting.
She: I know, and I hate when people stare at me. Ha, if someone handsome is there, I would give it a thought. (winks with a naughty smile)
Me: (laugh) 

Well, Facebook or any other social networking media has privacy options. Its individuals call if they like to be open or private. In case of real life, beautiful women are approached daily by lots of men. They like some and they reject a few. There’s no harm in approaching a beautiful women unless you want her directly in your bed after exchanging Hi.

We all watch american movies. We have seen how they have defined men-women relationships. At some point we want to have such relationships. Friends with benefits, No strings attached, Love and other drugs have exceptionally defined romance in a new way. Is it possible to understand the true nature of such relationships at a place where people have gender bias at every step. You visit any temple, any queue of people waiting for paying electricity bill or buying railway tickets, most of the schools and colleges you will see men and women have different lanes, different benches, different queues. Why? A child goes to school and from his childhood he sees a girl as something different, because she sits in a different row than boys. Worst is the case with same sex schools. Do you think he would be able to mix up with women at work place? How much do they understand each other? Is healthy flirting a different thing? Most of the people will say flirting is bad. They will immediately doubt other person’s intentions. You cannot flirt with your friend. If she has a boyfriend then she is double pissed, first by your unusual flirting and later by her boyfriend’s possessiveness. Sex is fun. But is often perceived as a bad thing. Who made it bad? We.
We need to understand the basics of human relations. Of course I would mate with a woman rather than a sheep. I am not that animal fantasy guy. But this doesn’t mean I can’t have a casual conversation with women. This doesn’t mean I can stay out at night and work with a beautiful lady. This doesn’t say that if my profession is to photograph nude models, I won’t arouse their emotions by little bit of flirting to have better pictures. How else would you maintain professionalism if you aren’t in control of your carnal desires? Remember healthy flirting? One thing that needs to be changed is parenting the child in terms of relationships. A teenager is ought to have or at least think of sexual encounters. Our job is to guide him the right way. He is physically ready for intercourse. Our task is to prepare him mentally with proper ethics. Until we are clear and above our mating instincts we wont be able to enjoy a true male-female relationship.

0

WHAT’S YOUR RELATION?

You have experienced a bad relationship. Heartbreaks can be really painful. You meet someone who gives you attention, affection, care and love. Your mind subconsciously wants to experience love again, and even if you want to avoid dating for a while, you can’t help but fall into the trap of love almost immediately. But you have no idea about how the relationship is going. You’re having a lot of fun in your new lover’s arms, but you don’t even know what kind of a relationship you’re in. You’re more focused on the fun part of the new romance than the serious parts that really matter in a new relationship. You may find yourself in a confused state of mind often even though you’re happy in your new romance. Almost always, you’ll be happy when you’re with your new squeeze but depressed and confused when you’re alone. It takes time to get over someone you truly loved. For some, it may take a few weeks and for others, it may take several months.

It may seem like you’re opening up to your new lover by frankly talking about your ex like you have no feelings for them. But deep inside, the whole reason you’re talking about your ex with anyone who cares to listen is because you still have feelings for them. You don’t remember how you got over your ex. You may hate your ex or feel relieved to have ended the relationship with them. You may even be happy with your new partner. But deep down inside, you know you’ll step right back into your ex’s arms if they just make a sweet move at you. You may try to convince yourself that you’re over your ex and happy in a new relationship, but the fact that your ex still occupies so many of your happy thoughts means you’re still not over them.

You want attention. You just want to reassure yourself that you’re still hot stuff and can get attention whenever you want. You find yourself constantly looking out even though you’re in a new relationship already.

All these things only reveal your current state of mind. If you’re in a relationship for any reason but love, it’s a sure sign that you’re only passing through a rebound relationship to bide your time. But are you in an intentional rebound relationship? If you’re in a rebound relationship, it’s always best to tell your new lover that you’re not ready for a serious relationship just yet. It’ll help both of you take things slowly without too many expectations or heartbreaks.

If you’re truly in love, you’ll be afraid to take chances or make any hasty moves. But if you’re in a rebound relationship, all you’d want to do is go full speed ahead into the relationship because you don’t really care about losing your new love. You’re not trying to make the relationship work. You’re happy and your new date is happy. You don’t look for ways to keep the relationship alive. All you want is someone who can hold you when you want to be held.

Just because you’re experiencing these signs of a rebound relationship doesn’t mean your new found romance is doomed from the start. The decision to enter the next phase of love or just play it casual is still in your own hands.

2

RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES

“WHY DOES A MAN STOP BEING ROMANTIC?”

Romance always attracts me towards it. So does this headline. My friend is having a confidence that men tend to change few years down the relationship. Well she says this from her past relationships. I have read somewhere that a woman tends to recall her man’s behaviour with her. It tells her how much he loves her! That’s true my friends.

Somewhere on the web I read a quote about Gentleman: A real man never stops trying to show a girl how much she means to him, even after he’s got her. The keyword here is “try”. Men love to chase. The longer a woman takes to fall, the harder a man tries to get her. The article in newspaper quoted a wrong word “hunt”. We don’t “hunt” women we “get” women. What happens after we get a woman? We start expecting. What do we expect? This is not a simple one to answer.

Men love to flirt at all point of time. But after getting into a relationship most men think that flirting is harmful for their relationship. Flirting may make them disloyal towards their partner. They stop flirting with other women and expect their woman to do the same. I have heard many guys saying: “From the time I am being into a relationship with you I have kept a distance from my female friends.” Was that necessary? At no point it shows your loyalty for your partner. Moreover, you don’t flirt with all your female friends at all point of time. They are just friends. What if your partner flirts with you like she did during courtship? Men love when their partner gets naughty, flirty and tease.

Women feel cheated when they see their partner’s changing behaviour. They think that only they put efforts to keep the relationship. Well that’s true. Women tend to put efforts in a relationship. Love is selfless. If at a point of time you think that your partner does not love you the way you do then talk to him. Never let go the communication between you and your partner. He loves you and he will comfort you. He will bring the spark and light up the dimness in the relationship. When we get our girl we take it for granted that she would step beside us at every point of time no matter what happens. Then we step towards achieving something else in our lives. A man is very proud of his achievements. I don’t call a woman an achievement. She’s the love of his life. All the achievements are useless if a man loses his love. Even modern women have goals. A real man would know the importance of her goals in her life. We should encourage each other to achieve more and more in life.

If romance comes naturally to you then you won’t stop being romantic either during courtship or during relationship. At the end of the day there’s nothing beautiful than a company of your loved one. The hug, the kiss, the smiles, the tears all matter a lot to each other. Understanding each other well and clearing the doubts with proper communication is always effective. Most important is to understand the fact that even if you are in a relationship you do have your own life. It applies equally to men and women. Getting into a relationship doesn’t mean you break your relationship with friends; it doesn’t mean you stop living your professional life that you had before the relationship; it doesn’t mean that you don’t owe some time for yourself. It depends on both the partners how they keep their relationship charming, beautiful and romantic.

A man should understand that his woman needs to feel special all the time. Love is about giving. Give her all you can give. Surprise her every day. Flatter her, pamper her, and lift her off the toes. All you know is you love her and she loves you too.

2

POLITE COMPANY

Once I was travelling to New Delhi from Nagpur. In my company there were a Buddhist Monk (Bhikkhu) and a young Christian man. I am a Hindu. The discussion kicked off with general topic of introduction. Of course the monk didn’t need any introduction. He was wearing a reddish-yellow robe. The other guy was young, fat and talkative. Most people think that it’s never a good idea to discuss religion or politics with people you don’t really know. I don’t think so. A conversatiImageon gets dirty only when we speak without listening or we don’t understand the fact that other person thinks differently and can have different views.

It was a time of election in Delhi. Aam Aadmi Party and Arvind Kejriwal were common among people’s chit chats. The Monk had a good understanding of politics. His Maithili accent told that he is from Bihar. I never mind listening to what people say. I hear them. If I find someone wrong I don’t interrupt. I let them speak. I convey my views after listening to them. At times it happen that people don’t let you speak; it’s the time when my diplomatic side works perfectly. Talk about the person and he will hear you for hours. Monk was a good orator and a good listener. Wilson, the young guy was equally polite. Usually I don’t comment on political issues. Of course, my ears were open while Wilson and the Monk were talking about politics.

After having guy’s discussion with Wilson our topic of discussion shifted to Religion. He told me about his encounter with a qazi (a Muslim judge). I got to know much about Islam from Wilson, who in fact had heard it from the qazi. The Monk was listening to our conversation. A preacher is meant to preach his/her religion. We people tend to have a negative connotation to all the things a preacher says. Of course, it’s wrong if a preacher preaches his religion by dominating other religions. The Monk participated in our conversation and he expressed his views on Islam. He gave respect to the religion. He told about Bhikkhu’s and Buddhism.

I don’t mind talking about religion with unknown people. I didn’t know the Monk as well as Wilson. Neither had they known me. But the conversation was informative. I gained a lot out of it. We are not abusing anyone on the grounds of religion or caste. If a Hindu says that he is vegetarian and he hates meat it doesn’t mean he hates a person who eats meat. Stereotypes exist who can’t even tolerate the company, touch or presence of people belonging to certain religion or who practice certain things which are not in their own religion. Society is the reflection of you. I think secular and I see everyone secular. Words control everything. Words can stop a war and words can start a war. The future of this world lies in hands of Diplomatic abilities of nations. The concept of soft power is on rise. Talking and knowing about each other’s religion is a small example of the big picture called Diplomacy can save us. So next time you get to talk about religion go ahead and explore. There is lot to learn than you can expect. Be polite and a good listener.

0

32 Flavours

When I was born my grandma brought a golden spoon and a bottle of honey. Honey was the first thing I have tasted on this planet. In Ayurveda, honey plays a role of blood purifier. Isn’t it an interesting fact about your life – the first thing you have tasted? I hope many of the Indians would have honey as their answer. It’s a ritual at the birth. As I grew older I tasted different food items. What I know is everything has a unique taste. It’s similar to unique people around me, isn’t it?

What am I, Vanilla, Chocolate or something else entirely? Everything in this world is connected. I wonder why the term Isolation derived. For example, to describe vanilla I would say a spice that has awhat-makes-your-company-unique2 sweet, perfumed aroma with a woody or smoky flavour. I can’t describe vanilla without relating it to woody or smoky flavour. Similarly we describe Men and Women by relating them to other humans, ideas, animals, professions, and sometimes things. This is why we have “dusty eyes”, “smoking hot” lips, “bubble” butt and “washboard” abs. My good deed makes me a hero and bad deed a villain. What makes me unique?

Some people love vanilla, some love chocolate, and there are others who love garlic and onion too. I am what I am. Sometimes I add up to someone’s taste and sometimes I am avoided even by name. I am nobody, but I am someone. What if a recipe says that by adding me to a dish will make the dish unpalatable? Does this mean I am useless? No! Societal norms are like recipe, they are written just to make a good society like a recipe makes a delicious dish. Am I antisocial? No, I am anti-idiot. To avoid the so called norms one finds Isolation and hence came the term Isolation. I am not isolated. I live in this society. I am a part of it. I reflect what I am. I do what I want to do. I don’t get lost in the societal norms. I do no harm, and take no shit! I am a being. I reach everything that is new and let it discover a part of myself. My breaths are my own; no one else does that for me. If I am able to breathe for myself why can’t I derive myself?

Men and Changing Women

Changing-Woman-Protects-Her-SonsWomen weren’t allowed freedom when it came to expressing desire and were expected to internalize this attitude as part of their being. Many did. But today she accepts her desire. She allows her desire to play out. She faces the consequences of her desire. And in her single-minded pursuit, she leaves the man in her bed confused and clueless. She dresses the way she wants to, marries when she wants to and becomes a mother when she wants to. From affairs to contraception to masturbation, her desire impels her on a journey of discovery. A Woman who takes independent decisions is a source of male anxiety and where such decisions relate to women’s sexuality, it can lead to calamitous consequences. When Men have affairs outside a relationship women are not expected to quit from the relation. But when a woman has it, the man will certainly do it. Have women finally attained the freedom to assert their sexuality and practice it to the degree that men do? Do we (Men) have that ‘broad minded’ attitude to accept women’s’ independence in true sense??

Stereotypes do exist in our society. Like animals are classified in taxonomy, in the same way these stereotypes classify men and women as different species. We are called “Manavas” which has the word “Mann”- meaning mind. If we look at a woman as Manav, we would know that she has a mind and a flesh of woman. One should look into the mind and not the flesh. It applies to women as well. When a guy approaches you it’s not just for Sex. Of course, physical intimacy may exist in latter stages, but not always. A guy can make a girl his best friend. Be with each other and understand/know each other instead of being assumptive at the beginning. I am not asking anyone to get away with a stranger you find on road. At least you can be assertive when you are approaching someone. No two men are alike and no two women are alike.

Men should understand the changing women around them. I get to see a guy ‘tolerating’ that his girl had few relationships in the past. The key word here is tolerate. We do not accept, but tolerate. Acceptance is at times harder! What if we accept and not tolerate? The answer is we would understand her. 🙂

When Men have affairs outside a relationship women are not expected to quit from the relation. But when a woman has it, the man will certainly do it. Why? But modern woman is independent and will certainly kick your ass if required.

I love to flirt. 😉 What if my girlfriend flirts with someone attractive friend of her?  I flirt with an attractive friend when my partner isn’t around. If you flirt with someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re interested in sleeping with them. Would you hate yourself if you have a warm and pleasant conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Flirting is a natural ability of humans, and it makes us feel really good about ourselves. Instead of restricting yourself or behaving like entering a relationship means banning all happy interactions with the opposite sex, learn to accept that even if you or your partner indulges in a bit of harmless flirting now and then, it doesn’t’t mean either of you love the other person any less. If you love your partner, it’s within your moral control to hold yourself back from going any further or cheating on them. Restrictions from outside won’t change anything. This is what a modern girl means when she says; I don’t like my guy being possessive.

Be a Man and respect Women! 🙂

0

Are we Equal?

A few days ago, one of my friends asked me a simple yet complicated question: Why in every society only women are dominated?

Well, I had multitude of options to start with, and I chose the basic Garden of Eden. It is said that original sin in Garden of Eden was woman’s. God created woman with the same clay as he created Adam. Some people like Alina Reyes say that god created women by his own imagination, his own fantasies. The initial name given to her was Lilith. She tasted the forbidden fruit, tempted Adam and has been paying for it ever since. In Genesis, the Lord said, ‘I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee’. One can see the present situation of women similar to what mythology says.

A certain depth was added to my knowledge when I was introduced to a concept called Matriarchy. According to the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), matriarchy is “a form of social organization in which the mother or oldest female is the head of the family, and descent and relationship are reckoned through the female line; government or rule by a woman or women.” As the definition suggests, the answer to my friend’s question is certainly No, because there exist societies dominated by women. But this does not change the fact that women are being subjected to subordinate status in majority of societies. Let me introduce you all to a few societies which have a larger female influence. Most anthropologists hold that there are no known societies that are unambiguously matriarchal.

  • Roman Empire

             Tacitus noted in his Germania that in “the nations of the Sitones…. woman is the ruling sex.

  • Asia
    • The Mosuo culture, which is in China near Tibet, is frequently described as matriarchal. The Mosuo themselves often use this description and they believe it increases interest in their culture and thus attracts tourism.
    • Possible matriarchies in Burma are, according to Jorgen Bisch, the Padaungs and, according to Andrew Marshall, the Kayaw.
    • According to interviewer Anuj Kumar, Manipur, India, “has a matriarchal society”, but this may not be a scholarly assessment.

This indeed solves the problem of women’s domination in these societies but as patriarchy is an issue in the same way matriarchy is also an issue.

Knowing the concept of matriarchy I would like to rephrase my friend’s question: Why are women dominated in majority of societies? To get insight of this I looked at the question through: Anthropologist view, Sociologist view, and Psychologist view. The ‘biogrammar’ concept given by anthropologists Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox argues that humans have a genetically based programme which predisposes mankind to behave in certain ways. These predispositions can be considerably modified by culture but they remain basic influences on human behaviour. In simple terms, anthropologist view tries to divide labour on basis of sex, thus defining role of men and women in society based on biology. Hence, women are given the task of reproduction and care for children along with lighter tasks near home like preparation of food, fetching of water, manufacturing of clothing and utensils. The sociologist view place emphasis on culture being responsible for human behaviour. There are certain societies in which biology appears to have little or no influence on women’s roles. The Mbuti Pygmies, a hunting and gathering society who live in the Congo rain forests, have no specific rules for the division for the division of labour by sex. Men and women hunt together. In India, some 12 per cent of labourers on building sites are women and in some Asian and Latin American countries, a quarter of the labour force in mines is female. Few Psychologists argue that a mother’s place is in the home, caring for her children especially during their early years. They believe that continuous mother-child relationship is necessary for effective socialization of the child. Alor, an island in Indonesia is a place where women are not tied to their offspring, and this does not appear to have any harmful effects on the children. Kibbutz is another example which indicates that a continuous mother-child relationship is not essential for effective socialization. About 4 per cent of Israel’s population live in some 240 kibbutzim settlements. Bruno Bettelheim said: ‘The kibbutz experience clearly demonstrates to me that children raised by educators in group homes can and do fare a lot better than many children raised by their mothers in poverty-stricken homes, and better than quite a few raised at home by their middle-class parent.’

I live in a society, but my world begins from home. Now if I ask the same question: Why are women dominated in majority of societies, my answer would be because of thinking process. Compared to cultural change, genetic change is slow. Hence now and in coming times there would be slight change in the biology of men and women, but this should not restrict the cultural change. Why the tasks of women are similar in most societies, why those tasks are usually given less prestige than those of men, and why men generally have power and authority over women? We need to adapt to new way of thinking were woman is equal in status with a man. Of course, there are few feminist who say that women should not be equal to men but higher in status than men. Let me remind that this again brings inequality. As I say Matriarchy is equally wrong as Patriarchy.