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A letter to a friend

Hi,

In this technology driven world we have completely missed out the beauty of writing letters to our closed ones. As soon as we turn ON the Mobile Internet Switch, we expect a beep showing message from our loved ones. Who doesn’t like surprises? I personally find it hard to explain about someone by writing on a touch display. Hence, this letter, a little surprise. I have always admired women like you in my life.

Why and how you became the lead character in my story? There is something inside you that has always intrigued me. It was because of the strong, elegant, distinct, positive vibe that you carry around yourself. You know what you want, and that is the first thing that attracts me towards you. You don’t blindly accept the role you were conditioned by others to fill. Being raised in a conservative family you know your limits and restrictions. You abide to your duties towards your parents but at the same time you go out discovering yourself; most of the people won’t do under restrictions.

I never knew how strong you are until you spoke of stressing the importance of taking responsibility for your own financial future instead of leaving it in the hands of spouse. It shows that you are responsible for creating your life. You never uttered a word which shows your dependence on someone else.

Me: What do you think about Marilyn Monroe or Monica Bellucci?

She: (laughs) (leans back on the chair, with her one leg pressing against the other) Marilyn was a strong woman and at the same time she never got her love. She was depressed and used to drink. I would never drink in my life, because my dad drinks a lot and my mother doesn’t like it. I don’t know much about Monica Bellucci. I haven’t seen any of her movies.

We haven’t spent much time together, I guess few hours. In this period I have just listened to what you were saying. I observed you, your body language. You are confident in your own skin. You know you are pretty. I would better describe it in your words.

Me: What is your fashion statement, reveal skin or being conservative yet pretty?

She: I like being comfortable in what I wear. I may reveal skin, only when I am assured that if 10 eyes are looking at me, my man can give them the single eye which would turn them down. 

That brought a real man out of me. Trust me. You are very aware of your sexuality. Different women have widely varying opinions on what kind of sexual expression they personally prefer, ranging from waiting until marriage to having guilt-free one-night stands. But you gave a simple yet inspiring answer, “What else do you need to know if you are able to satisfy your man?” That projects confidence. You know what role sex will play in your life.

You have the courage to express yourself authentically. I have seen most of the relationships where women expect men to understand them and unknowingly get depressed by the very fact that their partners aren’t good mind readers. You ask for what you want; you don’t expect others to be mind-readers. You teach others how you want to be treated — not by dropping hints but by telling them directly. You know that you deserve to be heard.

Me: How would you represent yourself at workplace?

She: At workplace I would compete to earn a position for myself. If someone doesn’t like my work I would like to know why he/she doesn’t like it. It’s not people pleasing, it’s self improvement. 

You always try to explore your creative side. You put your ideas into physical form. You are highly intuitive. Hence, you are better at making men chase you. I would like you to know that being alpha woman is a good thing, but do remember that this alpha thing unnecessarily complicates relationships. You need a man who is equally strong and who knows how to handle you with your own brain.

Keep learning and growing. In the long run, your wisdom will become one of your greatest assets, both as a way to meet your own needs and to help others. Your brain and beauty will make you reach great heights.

Kabir

Men and Changing Women

Changing-Woman-Protects-Her-SonsWomen weren’t allowed freedom when it came to expressing desire and were expected to internalize this attitude as part of their being. Many did. But today she accepts her desire. She allows her desire to play out. She faces the consequences of her desire. And in her single-minded pursuit, she leaves the man in her bed confused and clueless. She dresses the way she wants to, marries when she wants to and becomes a mother when she wants to. From affairs to contraception to masturbation, her desire impels her on a journey of discovery. A Woman who takes independent decisions is a source of male anxiety and where such decisions relate to women’s sexuality, it can lead to calamitous consequences. When Men have affairs outside a relationship women are not expected to quit from the relation. But when a woman has it, the man will certainly do it. Have women finally attained the freedom to assert their sexuality and practice it to the degree that men do? Do we (Men) have that ‘broad minded’ attitude to accept women’s’ independence in true sense??

Stereotypes do exist in our society. Like animals are classified in taxonomy, in the same way these stereotypes classify men and women as different species. We are called “Manavas” which has the word “Mann”- meaning mind. If we look at a woman as Manav, we would know that she has a mind and a flesh of woman. One should look into the mind and not the flesh. It applies to women as well. When a guy approaches you it’s not just for Sex. Of course, physical intimacy may exist in latter stages, but not always. A guy can make a girl his best friend. Be with each other and understand/know each other instead of being assumptive at the beginning. I am not asking anyone to get away with a stranger you find on road. At least you can be assertive when you are approaching someone. No two men are alike and no two women are alike.

Men should understand the changing women around them. I get to see a guy ‘tolerating’ that his girl had few relationships in the past. The key word here is tolerate. We do not accept, but tolerate. Acceptance is at times harder! What if we accept and not tolerate? The answer is we would understand her. 🙂

When Men have affairs outside a relationship women are not expected to quit from the relation. But when a woman has it, the man will certainly do it. Why? But modern woman is independent and will certainly kick your ass if required.

I love to flirt. 😉 What if my girlfriend flirts with someone attractive friend of her?  I flirt with an attractive friend when my partner isn’t around. If you flirt with someone, it doesn’t have to mean that you’re interested in sleeping with them. Would you hate yourself if you have a warm and pleasant conversation with someone of the opposite sex? Flirting is a natural ability of humans, and it makes us feel really good about ourselves. Instead of restricting yourself or behaving like entering a relationship means banning all happy interactions with the opposite sex, learn to accept that even if you or your partner indulges in a bit of harmless flirting now and then, it doesn’t’t mean either of you love the other person any less. If you love your partner, it’s within your moral control to hold yourself back from going any further or cheating on them. Restrictions from outside won’t change anything. This is what a modern girl means when she says; I don’t like my guy being possessive.

Be a Man and respect Women! 🙂